The Wonder (for) Down Under...

LET ME START HERE WITH A DISCLAIMER. DO NOT READ ANYTHING INTO THE THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG ENTRY. DO NOT LET YOUR IMAGINATION TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE IT SHOULD NOT GO. DO NOT GO THERE PEOPLE! JUST READ AND BELIEVE!

Some experts claim there is a phenomenon that happens to people my age and I believe them. It's called a midlife crisis...I am in the middle of it. No...I don't want a shiny, red sports car...or long blond hair and bigger...ah...bigger. Well...you know what I mean by bigger. I don't want to quit my job and move to a tropical island. Okay...I do want to do that 'cause that sounds pretty good considering it snowed here today...but I DO NOT want to leave my family for some tall, dark curly-haired foreigner with an accent. NO...none of that silly stuff for me.

I am talking about the midlife crisis I am having on the bottom half of my body!
I do not know what has happened down there but it is ugly. Pit-bull kind of ugly! The kind of ugly that makes you cringe or want to look away because you are afraid if you stare too long you will embarrass someone. WHAT...TO...DO?
Is there a pill that gives you your waist back...some kind of therapy that shrinks the backside to pre-midlife size...some protein drink that will thin the thighs! NO...I AM TELLING YOU. NOTHING. NOT...A...THING! (Except for diet and exercise but who wants to take time to do that!!!!)

Do not despair, my friends of similar status. I have found the solution...and I am going to share. Introducing...the Wonder for Down Under...



If you have never heard of this miracle cure...let me share my testimony with you. I was in a dressing room, staring into the mirror and yet trying not to look. An angel from Coldwater Creek heaven knocked on the door and asked if I would be interested in trying a pair. It was if she were sent to save me...a poor sinner. I tried them...I rejoiced...I was saved! Hallelujah...Amen!